Sweet Potators

"Perfection is the enemy to vulnerability."

..... I'm bawling over 'Sleepless in Seattle'. http://youtu.be/flvGmVgwkWk

Let's see.... Found out I suck at taking online tests/quizzes..... not because I don't know the answers, but twice now I've missed questions because I'm technologically challenged. Sooo tired of bickering. It's sheer joy when you confide something totally personal and unflattering about yourself to a friend and without thinking she tells two other people. :-||||| Your cat has ruined almost every upholstered chair and sofa and every rug in your house with her "indoor" claws and there are several new spots on your carpet from coughing up hairballs (utterly disgusting!). You've eaten way too many pink lemonade cookies from The Fix and are thinking that making yourself throw up isn't such a bad idea. You wake up with some sort of migraine every morning. You miss your kids..... like whopping BIGtime.... but also know if you were with them somehow they'd frustrate you.... because you're already so frustrated with yourself, others easily ...

"Each of you will have the chance to make your own discovery in the years to come. And I say “chance” because you won’t have to take it. There’s no community service requirement in the real world; no one forcing you to care. You can take your diploma, walk off this stage, and chase only after the big house and the nice suits and all the other things that our money culture says you should buy. You can choose to narrow your concerns and live your life in a way that tries to keep your story separate from America’s. But I hope you don’t. Not because you have an obligation to those who are less fortunate, though you do have that obligation. Not because you have a debt to all those who helped you get here, though you do have that debt. It’s because you have an obligation to yourself.  Because our individual salvation depends on collective salvation.  Because thinking only about yourself, fulfilling your immediate wants and needs, betrays a poverty of ambition. Because it’s only when...

In a society that profits from your self-doubt... Liking yourself is a rebellious act. https://vimeo.com/138170379

Sort of gave myself an ultimatum. No longer was I going to hole-up.... Not because of my health, not because of my body,  not because of any other insecurities that  rob me of moments  truly worth living. And I haven't. And August was one of the best months in  my 49 years of life.   And though sunflowers have always been for me been one of God's greatest  creations, seeing a field of miles and miles of them in northern Michigan  this summer brought me back to the symbol they have always stood for to me  and this simple phrase of words "face the Son".... my new mantra.

"'Dear God,' she prayed, 'let me be something every minute of every hour of my life.'"   ~Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Pot roast on Sunday. Even if it's supposed to be 104 degrees today.... ..... yeah..... totally thrilled about that.

What can I say? Can I take them back? Nah. So, one of those days turned into one of those weeks. Then one of those weeks turned into a few of those weeks. But the sun is shining a little brighter today. Indeed. I've often wondered how people deal with prolonged periods, even lifelong feelings of melancholy, despair, emotional numbness, hopelessness..... well, you get the drift.  How do they get up each day knowing they might not see a silver lining or any tender mercies?  The fact that they keep going is courage and endurance beyond what I can comprehend. Endurance . I've never been a very good endurer. But it's been a word, a character trait, I've thought a lot about lately..... one I'd like to develop..... embody.. empower. en·dur·ance inˈd(y)o͝orəns,enˈd(y)o͝orəns/ noun noun:  endurance the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way. "she was close to the limit of her en...

In case it isn't obvious, I'm ready to make some BIGtime positive changes in my life.

Blah. Not feeling like there's a whole lot you do right. Having things you put a lot of thought into come back to bite you. Also knowing that tomorrow..... or maybe even the next day..... is another day. Knowing you've had these days before. And that you got through them. And you're still here. And Heavenly Father is still the same. That His love never changes and never will. The sun WILL come out tomorrow.... And be 110 degrees.  :-||||||| *Edit** Got on fb a few minutes ago and at the top of my newsfeed TJ's mom had posted this.... Thanks Dina.  

And of course..... ......  don't forget this!!!

.... before you go to the podiatrist. (long story..... just take my word for it) On a brighter note, I ordered new Chucks today.  Yippeee!

I'm a lemon lover...... like whopping bigtime. Yes.  I'm going to write an entire post about lemons. When I was little I loved lemonade so much, I used to slice a lemon in half, milk it a little bit so the juice was all loosened, pour a spoonful of sugar in all the little crevices, and plop it into my mouth.  I can remember riding around on my bike with a half a lemon in my mouth and thinking that it was like an everlasting, awesome glass of lemonade as I went about my day.  No effort.  Just there. I try not to think of the poor enamel on my teeth and instead think of the joys of being a carefree little girl and the simplicities of happiness that come so easily through a child's eyes. I have several happy memories of lemons..... My Grandma Ede's famous lemon squares.  Even Dana (my dearest cousin) and I went on a quest a few years ago to find the best lemon squares in Eagle/Boise because our memories of them on sunny, Sunday afternoons at grand...

Who's extremely independent and fiercely determined.... ...... makes my heart hurt when she calls me (and I know she's been sick) and says in the saddest, froggiest voice (because I've been busy as all get-out the past couple of days), "why haven't you called me the last few days?". Ugh.  [insert major facetious tone] Mother of the year.  Yep.  That's me.

Messaging back and forth on facebook right now with one of my dearest friends who's in Hawaii.  And though I'm grouchy, tired (obviously with it being the middle of the night and I'm wide awake) and a bit melancholy (yes, I Lizzy V. get melancholy.... and it actually feels good to admit that, LOL!), I'm adoring her enthusiasm for life..... it's sort of rubbing off on me. I used to feel like I always had to be the one that was constantly riding the 'zest for life wave' for everyone else..... but over the last several years I'm glad I've been able to come to appreciate those that pull me along on their own ride when I don't feel much like doing it myself. Isn't that what relationships are all about?  Give and take?  All of us giving the best of ourselves to each other, and when the worst of ourselves comes out being able to receive love and tolerance from someone who has the strength we lack, but then we give some of our strength to them in...

- indoor plumbing - Amazon Prime - the oldie time felt-tip pens - friends who remember - my mom having me take sewing lessons at a young age - Trivia Crack challenges - Gold Bond medicated powder

Trying to keep track of two blogs is too much. So, I give. This'll just have to be my everything, all-around blog. No direction.  No purpose.  No organized effort. Just living happy and taking one day at a time.

Knowing you don't need to be.......

And even though it's not the highest quality (a photo of a photo and my eyes are half shut), I love it for the sheer reason that two of the most influential people of my life.... women who shaped in a big time way who I am today.... are there together with me.... Shirley and Edith.... my grandmothers.

I've had two blogs over the years..... started both with the best of intentions.  But then, who starts new things/sets out to make changes in their lives, with the worst of intentions? Being the sentimental type-A that I am, it kills me now that I deleted my first blog.  It's like going back to your high school diary and seeing all the pages you tore out.  Not because it would be of any interest to anyone else, but because it was *my* life..... and no matter that so much of it was everyday ho hum, it still gives perspective to me..... a way of gaging how I've evolved over the years to become who I am today...... which wouldn't really matter to anyone but myself.  But still, there it is.  Because the first blog, and now this one, have been for me.... just me.... though, this blog gets viewed by people (I'm assuming people?  Who knows?) from mainly Russia, the Ukraine, Brazil, Malaysia and the U.S. for heaven only knows why, as my little life is nothing mor...

Yep.  With everything I should be working on right now, I came upon a legend that totally intrigues me and now I can't stop reading/researching/investigating everything I can find on it..... 'The Lady of the Heather'. 'The Lady of the Heather' was a Jacobite princess  - the illegitimate grand daughter of Bonnie Prince Charlie. She was kidnapped from France about 200 years ago, carried off to New Zealand and abandoned on remote Campbell Island. She lived for months, or years, in a hut at Camp Cove, one provided with lace curtains and even a garden, which included heather. Though seen by sealers who visited the island intermittently, the lady apparently died in her hut, a sad and solitary castaway. This reminds me a bit of when I was a teenager and I went in search of 'Adenville' from the Great Brain books.  Because it was a fictitious town based on a real place, I didn't find out where it really was (about 250+ miles northeast roughly of w...

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts..... And we are never the same.

.....maybe BIGtime weird, when you find out a person you play in Words with Friends lives a mile away. These are mega random games.  The person you're playing isn't supposed to be real. :-||||| Of course I didn't share where I lived.  I'm not THAT naive.

It is! It is! Though these photos kind of turned out weird.....

A serious flurry! I kind of go through these phases with reading.  I always love to read, but sometimes I just can't get enough... there aren't enough hours in the day for all of it! Anyway, I've got a nice new little stack of books to keep me occupied the next few weeks, my house is all clean (not mentioning the garage though, the bane of my existence..... ugh), and I'll keep it that way.... it's usually the hazard of my flurry reading phases.... and takes the brunt of it. So.... Starting with this today.... And so far I'm only 5 pages in and twice I've heartily laughed out loud and exclaimed "this is awesome!" I love books in the form of journals/diaries!  Even if they are fictitious.... though this is based on a true story/ diary.  Happy day! Some noted and laughable moments thus far: Mattie, on the experience of her 'matrimonial bed'.... "I'd judge it took a minute, no more than two, at most.  So it is...

I sort of ended up reading this book by mistake. I was out to lunch with a friend last week whose book tastes I have always admired..... every book recommendation she has ever given me (at least 20) I have loved. So, she gave me a list of about five new books to read and I could've sworn the above was on it.  Turns out it was just one recommended by Amazon because of a few others I was buying. It started out great.  Totally held my interest.  But the middle to close to the end dragged on and on.  And sadly it became a to-do list item because I wanted to finish it.  I Hate starting a book and not finishing it.  It has to be absolutely horrid for me not to.  I always figure that there is something to be learned, even in mediocrity. And I finished it today.  Took me almost a week. I did end up loving the ending. It was the kind of book that gives you a sense of how much better life is when you take hold of the moment and live it. ...

Only about 10 years ago did I realize what an amazing gift it is to be able to open a book and read it..... comprehend it.... and even some (or many, in my case) to become "one" with.  That's not to say that all books I choose are easy reads for me.... I'm reading a church book right now that I absoulutely adore, even though it's a total bugger on my thought process and exhausts my brain to the point I just want to nap after a few pages.  Still, I feel great comfort when I see it from across the room and a small thrill when I go to my marked page and begin my new learn.   I guess what I'm trying to say (though my 'flight of thought' is all over the place today) is that I will never take reading or books for granted.  I still have the first book I ever read completely through with no help or guidance.....  I remember sitting next to my grandma, proudly turning the pages and making no mistakes, while she patiently and intently listened and t...

Those who know me well, and maybe even those who don't, know how much I love heart day. It's funny...... and I've probly said this before on this blog.... but I never really associate St. Valentines Day with romance.... although it was very heartwarming to know that my mom really wants to get home by tomorrow night so she can be with my dad.

Oh goodness goodness me.  < 3

Latest book I'm starting. I picked it because of some quotes I've read by Brene Brown recently that really struck a chord with me.... And then there's the description of the book... about having the courage to be vulnerable. And there's nothing that terrifies me more than being vulnerable.

... that I write on this blog mostly when the weather's gloomy and also when I'm at my most unproductive moments. But today the sky is blue blue and the sun is shining bright and it started off with an email from my English Daisy...... and I'm going to share..... because even if it was all soupy and bleak and cloudy and gray outside, how could my day not be full of sunshine after an email like this? *It won't make much sense because much of it was in answer to the email and photos I sent her. Anyway. MOMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SOO GLAD THAT YOU LOVED THE FLOWERS!!!!!! I SENT THEM CAUSE I LOVE YOU LOADS!!!!!!!! I had a fantastic week this week!!!!! I really really did!!!! Mom you are a miracle!!!! I really think you are!!!! I was talking about you last night and said that you meant the absolute world to me!!!!! I'm such a mommy's girl now..... < 3 But the best part about it is that you are NEVER  going to get rid of me!!...

...... from Trader Joes. Oh my holy sakes and funky fresh (for Ally) alive!! A friend gave me a container full for my b-day and out of fear of eating a massive amount I put the whole thing in my purse and carried them around for a few days and shared them with everyone.  You can NOT eat just one.  

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ I've always known the love language my children speak.... since they were little. Rob took me a bit longer. I know my parents languages and lately I've been thinking much more about my siblings, Rob's siblings, and my dearest friends. It's taken years to figure out which one I am..... since it's been kind of a tie between three.... but recently, it finally happened.  And although it's one I'm not super pleased about, it is me.  It's what makes me feel secure and safe and loved.  And just because someone doesn't show me love in this certain way (because obviously we all have our own language), it doesn't mean I'm not going to have a connection with them.  It just means that in my deeply closest, most personal and intimately emotional relationships, this area is what does it for my heart.... and it's how my heart gives and shows it to others.

MAYBE I’LL MEET A GIRL By Jeff Benedict http://www.jeffbenedict.com/index.php/blog/35-blog/378-maybe-ill-meet-a-girl This post is about same sex attraction, loneliness, faith, despair, and unconditional love. Clark Johnsen is a 37-year-old Broadway actor. Back in 2010 he heard about a new musical coming to Broadway called The Book of Mormon. The satirical script tells the story of 19-year-old Mormon missionaries sent to Africa to convert villagers to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Clark auditioned. After singing his sixteen bars of music he disclosed his Mormon roots to the casting director. “This is my life story,” Clark told him. “I was raised Mormon. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing for you. But do with it what you will. It turned out to be a good thing. Out of the hundreds who tried out, Clark was one of twenty-eight who were cast. When the musical opened on Broadway on March 24, 2011, he was on stage in the ensemble, wearing a familiar...

*big sigh*

...... will and should come to an end. To make room for new change and growth. And sometimes the most courageous thing we do is draw something good to a close. Not all things are meant to last. Not all. But some...... Especially those of an eternal nature. Those we carve in stone.

...... and my thoughts turn to garnets (my birthstone), gloomy days, dirty snow, homework (though I haven't been in school for years), everything I didn't accomplish the previous year and why, root vegetables, cleaning...... Not much of the above leaves a whole lot to be desired. Wishing I could just skip January all together. So I'm doing little things..... trite, but they make the moment seem a bit better.    Making a new wreath for my front door with white winter berries, twiggys,     pinecones and burlap.    Happy, bright new nail polish.    Turquoise gloves.    Trying lots of new vegetable dishes from recipes I've found on Pinterest.    The birdies need some yummy food..... heart-shaped would be lovely, I think.    A note of gratitude every day. Endure endure endure endure. Endure January.  Wishing I could hibernate.  But knowing I could never get away with it.  Damn.

I want to be that girl again that always has her nose in a book..... It's been a few years.  I've decided to start the year off by reading a book about a time in American history that has always intrigued me..... the great American dust bowl.  The book is called 'The Worst Hard Time'. *insert 2015 reading challenge* Good intentions.