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To suffer grief or pain for naught?

Or to love so deeply only to see it end?

One of my favorite woman in the whole world is dying of cancer.  She was one of my young woman leaders when I was growing up, I babysat her children while she and her husband traveled, she was an amazing support while I was preparing for and on my mission, she had my big bridal shower for me when I got married.  And then, she NEVER gets on fb, but on my birthday this past month while she was very sick in the hospital from starting chemo, she posted the sweetest message to me.

Last night one of her daughters posted a photo of her surrounded by all her grandchildren and a reply by another of my young woman leaders, and one of her dearest friends, really hit home as to some of the things I've been thinking about the past few weeks.

"This is the sweetest picture and this is Heavenly Father's plan, love, risk, pain, love. All entwined. When you love someone so much you risk losing them temporarily and that causes great pain because you love them so much.  Bring on eternity, no pain. Just love and family."

 And that word "risk"... wow.

When we give our heart over to others and they in return to us, we open up our deepest most vulnerable selves.... which can sometimes lead to heart ache.

And is it worth it?

Is it?

Without a doubt..... yes!!

And now for the words I've been searching for... more like incredibly strong thoughts and feelings... and that are so near and dear to me that I'm afraid their meaning will get lost in my translation of them.

Here goes any way....

How can our existence be for just this short period of time here on earth?  How can it all be over with at death?  This can't all be for naught.... it just can't.  There is great purpose in all of this.... in our ordinary everydays, in our greatest struggles, in our most joyous moments.  I just can't believe that we could love and give and hope and work and suffer pain all for naught.... I can't imagine the deeply heartfelt feelings I have for so many being buried with me when I die.

There's a lot about God and eternity and so many other things I don't completely understand.  But I definitely know that life doesn't just end with death... it's another new beginning.... a forever with those I love so dearly.

I'm still not totally satisfied with what I've tried to put into words... but I'm getting there.... it's coming..... be it ever so slowly.

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